?

Log in

Jun. 5th, 2009

ON FUNNY, WE WOULD HAVE PICKED MUSSOLINI

Radio host Richard Bacon: What artist had a blue period?

Contestant: Stalin?
ON SCI-FI DIALOGUE, QUITE A BIT SCINTILLATING

Miyamoto: Nothing beats a good hot bath! How did they know where to drill for water on the moon, Captain?

Captain Sano: This isn’t water, it’s man-made.

Miyamoto: What’s the difference?

Captain Sano: Quite a bit.

The X From Outer Space (1967)

Jun. 3rd, 2009

ON LET’S LEARN FROM BASKETBALL PLAYERS!

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college where you figure out 2+2=10 or something.

basketball player Dennis Rodman
Sorry gang, things have really picked up here at the office and I hadn't had the chance to post the quotes. It might be like this for a while but I'll still post. It just won't be every day.

It's a Stupid Quotes SpammageCollapse )
ON FOOD, FRIGHTENING

• Meatballs Made of Swedes

• Toasted Beagles

• Chicken Fried Mexicans

menu items, Mexico


ON UNLIKE THE CAPTION WRITER—WHO CAN RITE REEL GOOD

When Redding, a longtime scout for Playboy, discovered Smith, the model could barely right a sentence.

photo caption in the Houston Chronicle (which later posted a correction note)
ON ANTITERRORISM EFFORTS, TYPICAL DIPLOMATIC

The U.S. Embassy would be grateful if any of our friends who have information on terrorist activity or threats inform us between 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. on Sunday through Thursday.

sign outside the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan


ON FIRST, YOU LOOK FOR A BIG, TALL, POINTY THING

ORE. SEARCHERS
LOOK FOR MT. HOOD

headline in an online news summary (thanks to Lin Malki)


ON QUEEN ELIZABETH, LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT

With its highly evolved social structure of tens of thousands of worker bees commanded by Queen Elizabeth, the honey bee genome could also improve the search for genes linked to social behavior.... Queen Elizabeth has ten times the life span of worker bees and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day.

Reuters online news article
ON MAYBE YOU SHOULD REPHRASE THAT

And with sudden showers the tennis players might get their balls wet.

Canadian TV weatherman (thanks to Rev. David Peterson)
ON YOU HAVE MORE PROBLEMS THAN THAT!

Tech support: What seems to be the problem, sir?

Customer: Whenever I press the Backspace key, the letters I typed disappear.

actual tech support call (thanks to Joey Matt DiPeri)
ON FASCINATING INSIGHTS FROM DEMOCRATIC CHAIRMEN

Most of us weren’t born in America at some point in our lives.

Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean, discussing immigration reform (thanks to C. Michael Becker)